He Died For
by Resacon1990
Summary: "Major. He did it." This time there was something else other than shocked realization in Jokers voice, something like concern. Thats when it hit him. "Kaidan…" "He did it." His voice was cracked, filled with pain. "He… he…"


He climbed out of the ruins of the Normandy, his head pounding madly as he followed Joker silently, trying to avoid falling over the branches and debris littering the ground.

"Gone… all gone." Jokers quiet voice echoed around him. "He did it Kaidan. He did it."

Kaidan stumbled forward and felt an arm reach out and tug on his shirt, dragging him back up. Giving Joker a thankful look, he glanced up to the sky as well, trying to find some of the old parts of the Reapers… maybe a glimpse of some sort of shuttle bringing them a way to escape.

"Major. He did it." This time there was something else other than shocked realization in Jokers voice, something like concern.

Thats when it hit him.

The ground caught him as he fell to his knees, tears already making their way down his face. He didn't care that Javik was standing right behind him, nor that the rest of the crew were slowly making their way out of the ruined ship, he didn't care that James could see his superior on the ground slowly breaking, he ignored everyone as they called out his name, and he ignored Joker as he sank to his knees beside him.

"Kaidan…"

"He did it." His voice was cracked, filled with pain. "He… he…"

Kaidan trailed off as sobs overtook his body, making it shake as he curled his arms around himself, leaning forward as if to touch his forehead to the ground. The rustling of clothes came to his ears, and a few hands touched him, but he didn't feel them, only the pain building in his chest.

Shepard had done it, he'd destroyed the Reapers.

And himself.

"Garrus…"

Kaidan heard Jokers gentle whisper right before comforting arms wrapped around him and brought him to his feet.

"Kaidan." Garrus's voice brought a wave of comfort, making Kaidan curl into him slightly. "He did it Kaidan. Be proud, not sad."

"He's dead." Kaidan raised his head to glare at Garrus with bloodshot eyes. "The man I love, is dead." His eyes turned to glare at Garrus as his fingers curled into the turian's arm plates, hurting the tips of them but he refused to acknowledge the pain. "He promised me he'd come back Garrus…"

"He died for what he thought was right. Be proud that he was a strong enough man to do that."

But Kaidan ignored him and pulled away, wrapping his arms around himself as he stared up at the clearing sky, his eyes welling up with tears as they turned glassy. Shepard had promise, promised that he'd come back, that Kaidan would be able to hold him again. Now all he had of the man was the last kiss and the brief smile that had been flicked his way before they'd raced off to meet their destiny. The destiny that Kaidan didn't want.

"He died for the universe," Javik suddenly added from where he was standing, earning Kaidan's attention.

The Major stared long and hard at the prothean. He saw the sincerity in the aliens eyes, and he felt a small bit of warmth flood through him. He knew that Javik had no intention of staying around, with them or any of the living for that matter, and he was surprised that he was… encouraging him to do the opposite. Especially when Javik knew what it was like to lose someone.

"He died for the people of earth." It was Vega who talked next.

The soon to be N7's eyes were shining with respect that made Kaidan smile sadly at. The other man was still young, still fresh, still… _James _like.

"He died for his friends," Tali sniffed, standing beside EDI and Liara who both nodded in agreement, tears on the latter cheeks.

Kaidan felt himself growing dizzy as everyones words crushed down on him, suffocating him. He knew he wasn't the only one grieving, but couldn't they see? Shepard had promised to come back, promised to be there for him. He'd goddamn promised! And Kaidan felt himself crack again, another one to add to the growing collection, and he instantly felt arms tighten around him again.

"He died for love."

Joker continued, the statement making Kaidan's heart clench tightly, making him gasp through his build up of tears. Garrus squeezed his arms around the Major. He hated the pilot for saying that, so much so. It wasn't fair! Joker had EDI, despite their differences they could be together. Garrus had Tali, they _were _together. James was still young, Liara was as well for her kind, Javik… well he was the only one that Kaidan could feel himself relate to.

"He died for _you_."

As EDI said it, the AI that no one knew could have feelings, the cracks finally met and Kaidan's soul cracked, making him fall to the ground, ripping through Garrus' arms as he fell. His teeth nibbled on his bottom lip as tears trickled down his cheeks, his heart shattering into a million pieces as the last statement flew around his head, being repeated over and over again like a steady pounding. Silently he hated EDI for saying it, but he thanked her too.

"You're right," he croaked out, "He died for us all."

It took a long, long moment, a few minutes really, for him to finally grasp a hold of his sanity and demand it to bring him back. And then after shakily pulling away, Kaidan steadied himself as he once again made eye contact with all of his fellow crew members, spotting the sadness and pain in all of their eyes, knowing once again that he wasn't the only one mourning.

Taking a deep breath, he tore his gaze away from them all and turned to look up at the clear sky.

Shepard, his lover, his life, died for them. He died for them all. He died for Kaidan.

"Shepard…

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**First Mass Effect story I've written in ages. I love how in ME3 you can romance Kaidan if you're male! Honestly! It makes sense for Kaidan to be gay in a way, I mean I now understand the reason his hair is so smexy! XD Joking, but still!  
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**So how do you guys think this went? I'm a bit rusty, but please tell me :D**

**Thank you!**


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